THE ISSUES > CAMPAIGN POSITION
Restore Accountability to the Rallymaster
Power must answer to the people.
For too long, rallymaster jef has exercised authority without meaningful restraint. He sets the challenges, awards the points, and passes judgment on the intelligence of the people he governs. Lang/Milo will confront this concentration of power and restore the dignity of the American rally participant.
A record of reform.
Awarding points for tattoos obtained during a rally turns temporary scoring decisions into permanent obligations. Last year, Lang/Milo helped curtail this practice. We will defend that progress and establish a clear principle: no American should have to alter their skin to improve their standing.
Due process before insult.
Participants have been called stupid, morons, and idiots without so much as a preliminary IQ assessment. Under Lang/Milo, all official findings of stupidity will require evidence, standardized testing, and a meaningful right of appeal. The burden of proof belongs to jef.
Separate the powers of dress.
The cowboy hat and aloha shirt, worn together, concentrate an unacceptable level of authority in one individual. We will establish a binding schedule: hat hours and shirt hours. One at a time. No emergency exemptions.
Accountability for Milk Rally.
jef created Milk Rally. We all know how that went. The American people deserve a full accounting, and Lang/Milo will demand one.
The era of unchecked rallymaster rule must end.
Lang / Milo 2026 · Satirical campaign platform.
